The Destruction of a F#%kboy:
An Adventure in MICRO-AGGRESSIONS
by Chelsea Fietsgodin
January 23, 2017
January 23, 2017
The most sinister element of micro-aggressions lies in their covert nature. When someone openly commits or promotes oppressive behavior it is easy to spot, easy to point out and prove, and generally one will find ample support in defending themselves. Micro-aggressions on the other hand are sneaky; they lie just under the surface of most people’s consciousness which means that they’re difficult to catch at times for both the person committing the act and the person having that act done to them. It’s hard to explain what is wrong with them (a feeling of uneasiness that can’t easily be verbalized), and most often the response to someone complaining about a micro aggression is that they’re reading into things too much in order to play the victim card.
This write up will deconstruct a micro-aggression that the author has come across frequently enough to not only immediately spot it, but also to be able to predict its next move. This is done for entertainment purposes—in addition to educational purposes—in hopes that it may help readers become more savvy to micro aggressions in the future so that they may catch themselves before committing them and be prepared to confront the issue when others do so.
This write up will deconstruct a micro-aggression that the author has come across frequently enough to not only immediately spot it, but also to be able to predict its next move. This is done for entertainment purposes—in addition to educational purposes—in hopes that it may help readers become more savvy to micro aggressions in the future so that they may catch themselves before committing them and be prepared to confront the issue when others do so.
Recently I posted an Instagram video with the above caption. The content of the video isn’t as important as taking note that I pointed out that the night the video was filmed was dedicated to perfecting tricks that I already do. Enter the fuckboy.
Something about this is highly amusing to me. I suppose it has to do with the fact that every time some random dude demands I do a trick it is almost always a barspin. Before one can understand why this comment annoyed me however, one must know that this is one of many times I have had this exact conversation in similar contexts and it follows the same format every single time:
Fuckboy: Do _______ trick!
Me: (unapologetic) No.
Fuckboy: Condescending remark implying that I won’t do the trick because I don’t know how to.
Me: Confirmation that I can do the trick but I prefer not to.
Fuckboy: Takes offense to my uncompromising no, enacts key piece of a micro-aggression wherein an attempt is made to paint the offended party as unreasonable.
In this particular instance I saw the opportunity to lay out bait to uncover the offender’s cloaked motivation. Combined with past experiences with this exact comment and the hilarity that ensued, I also happened to notice that this user had no history of interacting with my posts prior to this conversation. And, I had been expecting shit-talkers (to put it academically) following recent coverage of a contest that depicted a riding clip of me casing a gap and then results which had me shown in second with little explanation of how I’d scored so well against so many heavy hitters putting down solid moves.
Knowing where this was going, I provided the one answer that entitled fuckboys who tell women to do tricks that they want to see us do rather than finding one of us that does them already, does not like to hear.
Fuckboy: Do _______ trick!
Me: (unapologetic) No.
Fuckboy: Condescending remark implying that I won’t do the trick because I don’t know how to.
Me: Confirmation that I can do the trick but I prefer not to.
Fuckboy: Takes offense to my uncompromising no, enacts key piece of a micro-aggression wherein an attempt is made to paint the offended party as unreasonable.
In this particular instance I saw the opportunity to lay out bait to uncover the offender’s cloaked motivation. Combined with past experiences with this exact comment and the hilarity that ensued, I also happened to notice that this user had no history of interacting with my posts prior to this conversation. And, I had been expecting shit-talkers (to put it academically) following recent coverage of a contest that depicted a riding clip of me casing a gap and then results which had me shown in second with little explanation of how I’d scored so well against so many heavy hitters putting down solid moves.
Knowing where this was going, I provided the one answer that entitled fuckboys who tell women to do tricks that they want to see us do rather than finding one of us that does them already, does not like to hear.
While true that at this point I could have neglected to respond and Mr. Fuckboy would have gone on with his life doing (I would hope he can at least do them) likely the one trick that he judges the ability of a rider by. And also true that he likely would have forgotten his demand. There’s just no fun in that.
His response followed the format to a tee:
His response followed the format to a tee:
At this point the expected next move of the fuckboy is complete. Making an assumption that I: A) cannot do barspins and B) need a foampit to learn something as stupid as a barspin, he moves into casual condescension. It is likely that he may not even realize what he is doing as he is doing it, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Educating potentially innocent-at-heart offenders is one of the purposes of taking the time to write this detailed explanation of the problem.
Translation: Barspins ain’t shit.
The “casual” bit is a key element in the micro part of the aggression because this is the piece that is later used to deny liability for their actions when called out for them. The offender feigns remorse for something that without a nuanced understanding of micro-aggressions would seem entirely reasonable. Essentially, “Oh so now I’m the asshole?”
As a reminder, this user is not even a regular follower of my page, let alone a friend of mine that can play an unsolicited game of calling the shots with me. I too will occasionally throw out a trick for a friend to do if I come up with something that would be Rad ™ or Sick© and it fits their riding style better than mine. This however is not that situation. This is a random dude treating me like a circus monkey which he can throw peanuts at in exchange for a desired trick.
At this point in our conversation I began to question the user’s motivation in coming to my page to make a request [sic: demand] for a trick that he could easily scroll through the #bmxgirl tag (or @yeahzine!) and find for his viewing pleasure.
As a reminder, this user is not even a regular follower of my page, let alone a friend of mine that can play an unsolicited game of calling the shots with me. I too will occasionally throw out a trick for a friend to do if I come up with something that would be Rad ™ or Sick© and it fits their riding style better than mine. This however is not that situation. This is a random dude treating me like a circus monkey which he can throw peanuts at in exchange for a desired trick.
At this point in our conversation I began to question the user’s motivation in coming to my page to make a request [sic: demand] for a trick that he could easily scroll through the #bmxgirl tag (or @yeahzine!) and find for his viewing pleasure.
Hook, line, and sinker.
In his final comment before blocking me, his cover is blown and he reveals his comments for what they have been from the beginning. This user is concerned with the results of the aforementioned contest and is wondering how a rider who can’t barspin was scored in second against riders who can. If you’re a female BMX rider you’re familiar with the old “whose dick did she suck?” argument to explain our success.
Maybe next time a simple “Good job.” will suffice.
About the Author
Chelsea Fietsgodin is a BMX rider of 17 years with a BA in Political Science who spends her free time as a crash test dummy for gravity and avoiding barspins due to a deep seeded distaste for them resulting from getting into freestyle when barspins were as blown out as crankflips are today. She can be found on Instagram and Twitter not doing crankflips or barspins as @Fietsgodin and on Facebook as her name of which she does know the Dutch meaning.
In his final comment before blocking me, his cover is blown and he reveals his comments for what they have been from the beginning. This user is concerned with the results of the aforementioned contest and is wondering how a rider who can’t barspin was scored in second against riders who can. If you’re a female BMX rider you’re familiar with the old “whose dick did she suck?” argument to explain our success.
Maybe next time a simple “Good job.” will suffice.
About the Author
Chelsea Fietsgodin is a BMX rider of 17 years with a BA in Political Science who spends her free time as a crash test dummy for gravity and avoiding barspins due to a deep seeded distaste for them resulting from getting into freestyle when barspins were as blown out as crankflips are today. She can be found on Instagram and Twitter not doing crankflips or barspins as @Fietsgodin and on Facebook as her name of which she does know the Dutch meaning.
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